


Evil Bow Plans a Crime

by CountDorku



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Crimes & Criminals, Funny, Gen, Inspired by Monty Python, Parallel Universes, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:48:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24429013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountDorku/pseuds/CountDorku
Summary: Glimmer wants to know more about Adora's travels, so Adora tells her about a parallel Etheria where Bow went down a very different path...
Relationships: Adora/Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow & Catra (She-Ra), Bow & Double Trouble (She-Ra), Bow & Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Catra & Double Trouble (She-Ra), Catra & Sea Hawk (She-Ra), Double Trouble & Sea Hawk (She-Ra)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 50





	Evil Bow Plans a Crime

**Author's Note:**

  * For [EtherianFrigatebird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtherianFrigatebird/gifts).
  * Inspired by [ADORA: Vagabond of the Etherian Cosmos](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22977853) by [EtherianFrigatebird](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EtherianFrigatebird/pseuds/EtherianFrigatebird), [Say_Anything](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Say_Anything/pseuds/Say_Anything). 



“So tell me, Adora,” Glimmer said one day, “were there any dimensions you ran into on your travels that were really, really _stupid_?”

“How do you mean, stupid?”

“I mean like. My mom marries Castaspella and I have six annoying sisters. We’re all thematically appropriate animals. Hordak falls in love with Swift Wind. That kind of thing.”

Adora thought for a moment. “Well, there was one. The Horde had never come to Etheria, but there was a supposedly dire scourge that was giving Bright Moon’s guards a really hard time keeping order. I opted to take a subtle approach and had Entrapta build a recording device so I could spy on their hideout…”

* * *

The hideout was a small, dingy room, shadowed by a fog of cigarette smoke. A handful of malefactors were gathered around a table.

One of them, unmistakably the boss from how the others were treating him, rose and turned to the lookout. The dim light illuminated him: a dark-skinned man, a black heart proudly emblazoned on his white crop top. “All clear?” asked Bow.

Catra, the lookout, nodded curtly. “Yeah, we’re all clear.”

“Good.” Bow unrolled a map of Seaworthy on the table; several locations were marked in red. “So here’s the plan. At 10:45, you, Sea Hawk, collect me and Kyle in the coach, and take us to the jewellery fence in Kraken Street. We will arrive at 10:50. Then I’ll get out of the coach, and Sea Hawk will park it back here in Leviathan Street, okay? At 10:51, I’ll enter the shop, where Double Trouble will be waiting, disguised as a customer. They’ll meet me and hand me six lunes fifty in cash. At 10:52, I’ll approach the counter and purchase a watch costing six lunes fifty. I’ll then hand the watch to Double Trouble, who will go straight to the cart. I’ll make my own way back; we all meet in the back room at the Kowl and Cutlass at 11:15. Any questions?”

Catra raised a clawed hand and said, “Yeah, I have a question. We don’t seem to be doing anything illegal.”

“Technically, that is not a question,” managed Sea Hawk, before Catra elbowed him in the ribs.

“What do you mean?” asked Bow, his forehead wrinkling.

“Well, we’re paying for the watch.”

“Yes…” said Bow patiently.

Catra held her hands out in the universal patiently-explaining-things-to-stupid-people gesture. “Why are we paying for the watch?”

“Because they wouldn’t give it to us if we didn’t pay for it, would they, Catra?”

“No, she’s right, darling,” threw in Double Trouble. “I don’t like this outfit much either.”

“Why not?” Bow was starting to sound more than a little truculent.

“Because, darling, _we never break the fucking law_. Look at the bank job last week.”

Bow’s look of aggrieved confusion could have been engraved in stone as an eternal record of what aggrieved confusion was supposed to look like. “What was wrong with it?”

“You had me go in, wearing a face I’d spent weeks working on, and ask for fifteen lunes out of my deposit account.”

“So what’s your proposal, then? If you two think you could run this outfit better than me, what’s your brilliant plan?”

Catra and Double Trouble looked at each other, and then Catra said, “Couldn’t we…I don’t know, just steal the damn watch?”

“You idiot, Catra!” yelled Bow. “We spent weeks organising this! Sea Hawk rented a room across the road and looked at the people going in and out every day. Double Trouble spent three weeks looking at catalogues…and now you want us to risk the whole raid just for the sake of breaking the law?”

Catra thought for a moment. “Could we park illegally?”

“No!”

“Have a dog crap on the footpath and not clean it up?”

“No!”

Sea Hawk suddenly went pale. “I fear I have made a terrible mistake!”

Bow spun to face him and asked, “What’s the matter, Sea Hawk?”

“It has just come to me…I left the cart on a meter, and it’s…”

A horrified hush spread over the assembled malefactors.

“Overdue?” said Bow, in a tone of mounting horror.

“I regret to say it, but yes.”

Bow’s eyes narrowed in a calculating fashion. “How much?”

“At least two minutes. Maybe five.”

“Oh, you damned fool, Seahawk!” Bow revolved again, directing his next instructions to the rest of the gang. “All right, we have no time to lose. Catra – cut your hair short and meet me at this address in the Kingdom of Snows Tuesday night. Double Trouble, you take an alternate route via Plumeria, meet us there by July. Sea Hawk – you stay here as front man. Give us fifteen minutes and then burn the building down. MOVE!”

“Nothing would please me more than to do that, sir,” said Sea Hawk, “but I cannot burn the building down.”

“Why the fuck not?”

“Because you see, boss, it is illegal.”

“Shit.” Bow’s mind was clearly racing. “All right, we’ll have to give ourselves up.”

“We cannot do that either, sir.”

“And what’s your objection to this one, Sea Hawk?” said Bow wearily.

“We haven’t done anything illegal.”

Bow’s jaw dropped.

* * *

Glimmer had the most comically disbelieving expression Adora had ever seen. “You’re shitting me.”

“I swear on my life, Glimmer, this really happened. I ended up just spending my entire time there in the castle library reading comic books; using She-Ra to bust up that gang would have been like taking a battering ram to a doghouse.”

Glimmer eyed her suspiciously and said, “If I find out you’re making this up to screw with me, I’m going to figure out some suitable revenge.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is the dumbest thing I've ever written and I was responsible for [Entrapta Explains It All.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21734770)


End file.
